Birthday. Taking stock.

I celebrated my birthday last weekend. 
With this poorly-lit restaurant bathroom selfie and other adventures.

I'm pausing to take stock.
To think about growing up. It looks different each year.

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I'm working on confidence.

I used to feel like I was only pretending to know what's going on, and this year I've learned that:
a.) everyone's doing that.
b.) I usually do know.

I bought into fake it 'till you make it and didn't notice when I stopped faking it. When I wasn't paying attention my job turned into a career that I not only love, but am actually decent at most days. The kids tell me so, and teenagers are harsh critics and lousy liars.

I sell myself short. Mostly to myself.
And I feel like I have to prove things.

Who knows, maybe I will.

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I live with my favorite person. 

We love being married and talk all the time about what it means.
And how many roles we're asking the other person to fill.

It's an impossible amount of person to be.

We make each other better, even when it's harder.

We laugh ourselves silly.

Our littlehouse doesn't have a dishwasher, which is the worst, so we spend most evenings washing and drying and listening to music in our tiny kitchen, which, even though it's the last thing either of us wants to be doing in the moment, is the best.

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I'm really good at alone time. 
As in, I rarely feel lonely.
Even when I miss my people.

The people I'm closest to don't live nearby.
I miss seeing them and having my tribe, and I don't make a great effort to fix that.

I have one friend who uses a telephone. She calls me and we chat and it's wonderful.
Sometimes for a few minutes. Other times for a lot of them.
She's usually the one who dials.

It's not complicated.
It doesn't require a ton of effort.
It's an obvious win.

I can learn from this.

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Most days I think, Dang, this is everything.

With fleeting thoughts of: Dang, is this it?

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My mom is the happiest person you'll ever meet.
It takes practically nothing to bring her exquisite joy.

She's also the most grateful person I know.

These are undoubtedly connected.

She taught me the same.
And it really is everything.

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